Is This You?

Is This You?

I wrote an article a few days ago about the signs of spiritual abuse and how to recognize this type of abuse within a church. After the article was written, I was asked by someone to talk about the effects of this type of abuse because they had a friend that was still struggling with the effects of spiritual abuse. Also some people are still trying to say that this abuse is not real and that there could not possibly be any effects to such a thing.

Over the past 17 years as a social worker, I have worked with many victims who have experienced all types of horrific forms of abuse; from child abuse victims to sexual abuse victims, elderly abuse, domestic violence victims, victims of assaults, human trafficking, etc. You name it; I have pretty much worked with them. Either I have counseled them; conducted support groups for them or helped them find valuable resources.

Basically my job as a social worker was to help each victim begin the painful steps toward recovery. When working with victims who have dealt with any form of abuse, you must first help them recognize the type of abuse that they are experiencing. Helping them to recognize that they have been a victim of spiritual abuse can be the hardest thing to do. But this simple first step is a very crucial first step towards recovery. Secondly, get them to open up to you about how they feel about how they have been treated. Let them talk! They will need to tell their story at this time. This will help you establish some type of trust with them. Trust me when I tell you that they will need someone in whom they can trust because their trust in their spiritual leaders has been destroyed completely.

Having gone through physical and sexual abuse myself; and experiencing spiritual abuse as well, I know first-hand the devastating effects of this type of abuse.   

I have compiled a list of effects of spiritual abuse that may be helpful when talking with someone who is going through this:

7 Effects of Spiritual Abuse:

1.      Shock and denial: Most followers may be in a state of disbelief and denial at first. This is quite normal for followers to experience this initially. They may have been presented with all of the signs of spiritual abuse but may refuse to believe that they are going through this. They may even become immersed in serving in the church to prove to everyone that this is not spiritual abuse and that the enemy is trying to deceive them.   

2.      Fear: Followers may feel extremely fearful towards their spiritual leader or other leaders. Lack of trust for authority. Followers may even have some type of fear towards God. They may feel that God cannot be trusted or that they cannot trust going to another church because of the fear of being hurt again.  Followers many even pull away from their faith and become an atheist.

3.      Anger and Rage: Anger towards self and others around them. They may be angry with themselves for choosing such a church and not recognizing the abuse sooner. They may become extremely mad at the leaders and the other followers. This is where you will see followers start forming cliques and groups to talk about the leader. Note: This is very dangerous to do. Do not form cliques to overthrow the leader or its leaders. God has not called anyone to tear down a church or divide His house.  

4.      Loss of meaning: Followers may feel dis-empowered and feel like they do not have a sense of meaning or a reason to live. They may feel as though they do not have any purpose in life and that God will never use them.

5.      Withdrawn: Followers may withdraw from friends or family members or other members in the church. They may feel like no one understands what they are going through. They can feel totally isolated.

6.      Health and/or psychological problems: Followers may exhibit unexplained health problems. Headaches, backaches, having trouble breathing, fatigued, frequently experiencing times of extreme exhaustion, etc. Panic or anxiety attaches that come out of nowhere. This may be due to the body showing signs of what is happening on the inside of the person’s body. High stressful environments have a tendency to produce sickness within a person’s body if not dealt with. Also they may experience being extremely irritable, have frequent mood swings, weight gain (obesity), weight loss, overeating or eating very little can all be effects of this type of abuse. Followers may also experience depression, or even become suicidal. One woman described it as having the “life sucked out of you”. It may feel as if someone has their hand around your neck and squeezing until all of the life is gone.

7.      Shame or humiliation:  They may ask questions like “how did I let this happen to me”. “Why did I end up in this church”? “What’s wrong with me”? “Why didn’t I see this coming”?

Of course this list is not the complete list of effects that one may see but it is a start to help someone recognize the problem. In the near future, my blog will contain articles on this subject and how to heal from all types of abuse for those of you who will need more information on this.  

If this is happening to you allow God to show you how to exit the church in love and find a place of healing and recovery. I have seen God show His people how to exit quietly without disrupting the masses. Remember, everyone may not be aware of the spiritual abuse that is taking place. God will reveal it to them in His own timing and season. It is not up to us to lead a revolt!!

God showed us love while we were yet in our own sins. He will do the same for everyone else. Remember that God is a God of love and peace, not strife and bitterness.

Please share this with someone you may know that is going through this. This could very well save their life.